Thy Will Be Done

I'm reading Eugene Peterson's The Contemplative Pastor for the second time. Again I paused at his question, "Is growth a decision?" And I especially paused at his mention of the will in that decision. He recalls how his own will was "broken" in his younger years, a necessary part of growing up in that time and place, a parenting requirement for his parent's generation.

And then he goes on to tell of how he was encouraged to use his will to fend off the temptations of the time, "the world, flesh, and devil." These two contradictions, the breaking and the utilizing, are puzzling to him. They are puzzling to me.

This intersection of contradiction has seen many travelers. Augustine and Luther, most notably, but also Kierkegaard, Anselm, Ignatius, Julian of Norwich, and even Origen. And Peterson. And me.

The will, this thing that I was told defies God, is also this tool that I am supposed to use as a stick of defense against those things that defy God. Either one notion is correct, and not the other, or both are mistaken.

Be that as it may, I continue to move, live, and breathe. I am not in the habit of breaking wills anymore, nor am I in the habit of using it as a weapon. I have adopted a much different habit, the habit of prayer. Prayer allows me to take a step back from my will, look at it, taste it again for the first time, touch it, squish it, prod it, poke it. Prayer allows me to analyze it.

And my analysis?

There is no conclusion. And so I resign, and taking an old stance of two thousand years, I simply can only say, "thy will be done."

In morning devotion I read Peterson in tandem with this prayer by Walter Brueggemann, as is my habit. They sing in harmony.

We are takers

You are the giver of all good things.
Al good things are sent from heaven above,
rain and sun,
day and night,
justice and righteousness,
bread to the eater and
seed to the sower,
peace to the old,
energy to the young,
joy to the babes.
We are takers, who take from you,
day by day, daily bread,
taking all we need as you supply,
taking in gratitude and wonder and joy.
And then taking more,
taking more than we need,
taking more than you give us,
taking from our sisters and brother,
taking from the poor and the weak,
taking because we are frightened, and so greedy,
taking because we are anxious, and so fearful,
taking because we are driven, and so uncaring.
Give us peace beyond our fear, and so end our greed.
Give us well-being beyond our anxiety, and so end our fear.
Give us abundance beyond our drivenness,
and so end our uncaring.
Turn our taking into giving...since we are in your giving image:
Make us giving like you,
giving gladly and not taking,
giving in abundance, not taking,
giving in joy, not taking,
giving as he gave himself up for us all,
giving, never taking. Amen.

See you in church,
VT...

Prayer taken from Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth by Walter Brueggemann.